Positive Perspectives on Grief

As part of Mental Illness Awareness Week, Tree of Life Counseling and Consulting is proud to highlight the work of our wonderful team member, Ashli King. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has the tools and experience to help those hoping to overcome struggles with grief to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Read on to learn more if you or anyone you know is struggling with their mental health.

"Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps?"

By: Ashli King, M.A., LPC, NCC

In our culture, and even our society, weakness can still be seen as a moral sin depending on who you are speaking to or the circles you may maneuver around. In childhood and in adulthood, you or I may have heard the saying, “You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” This phrase or colloquialism was probably used on you, or you may have even said the very words, or an assortment of the same, to someone you know who may have been struggling with grief.

What’s interesting about grief is that no one really teaches you how to deal with or heal with grief. Grief is usually tucked away and/or acknowledged when someone is sending prayers or if you are telling

someone, “I’m sorry for your loss.” I think what may be helpful for you or someone you know who may be

experiencing grief includes some coping skills.

Adaptive Strategies

Adaptive strategies are ways in which we can begin to process what has been lost. I should stop and mention that grief is not just synonymous with death, but non-death- related loss as well. An example of non-death related loss would include a friendship discontinuing, you or your family having to move, or you may have lost your job. Knowing how you grieve, or process loss, can be helpful because you can use any of these adaptive strategies to begin your healing journey.

The four adaptive strategies include:

Affective strategies: healthy emotional expression
Cognitive strategies: logical analysis of the loss
Behavioral strategies: physical activity or problem solving
Spiritual Strategies: prayer/meditation or a higher power

"We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it."

-Nora McInerny (Full You-Tube Video Here)

Grieving Styles

It’s important to be aware of your adaptive strategies when grieving but it’s important to understand your grieving style too. Grieving styles can be intuitive and instrumental or blended.

Intuitive grieving styles look like expressing our feelings in healthy ways, attempting to manage our

emotions, and sharing our emotions with someone like a friend, family member, or licensed mental health professional.

Instrumental grieving styles look like analyzing the loss that has occurred in

our life, attempting to restructure how the loss has affected our life, and using an activity to stay focused or busy. This would or could include projects around the house, some physical activity such as fishing, hunting, or golfing depending on hobbies you can share with others, or

seeking out someone you know who has experienced grief you may be currently going through.

A blended grieving style depends on what our dominant needs are. If our emotional need is dominant, we may seek out ways to express our emotions. Suppose our dominant form of expression is by completing physical tasks or analyzing life since experiencing loss. In that case, those cognitive or behavioral coping skills might be displayed more frequently in your life.

If you're interested in speaking with Ashli, please book a consultation now.