By Ashli King - Licensed Professional Counselor
The holiday season often carries a duality of emotions: joy and celebration for some, while others feel the weight of grief and loss more profoundly. For families grieving the death of a loved one, the holidays can be a tender reminder of their absence. Add in the challenges of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and this time of year can feel overwhelming. However, there are ways to navigate this season with compassion, understanding, and hope as a family.
One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it’s a linear journey—a series of stages to be "completed" in a neat order. In reality, grief is more cyclical and complex, especially within the context of family dynamics. The Dual Process Model of Grief highlights two types of grieving processes which include 'loss-oriented' where we focus on emotions, memories, and pain associated with a loss and 'restoration-oriented' where we adjust to life’s new realities, finding ways to move forward, and managing day-to-day responsibilities.
Families often oscillate between these two processes, and that’s okay. There’s no "right" way to grieve, and making space for this natural ebb and flow is crucial. Each family member grieves differently, influenced by their unique relationship to the deceased or loss being experienced, their personality, and even their birth order. For example the oldest sibling will often take on the role of the "caretaker," suppressing their own grief to support others while a middle child may feel overlooked in their grief and seek connection or validation in negative attention seeking methods or positive attention seeking behaviors.The youngest sibling may express their emotions more openly or struggle to fully grasp the loss and parents often feel pressure to hold the family together, potentially abandoning their own grief or placing their grief on an invisible shelf never to be touched again.
Understanding these dynamics is critical when discussing family grief and families should actively work towards goals this holiday season which can include but are not limited to:
Communicating Openly: Creating a safe space where every member can share their feelings without judgment. This includes validating emotions that may differ from your own.
Honoring Individual Grieving Styles: Some family members may find solace in talking, while others prefer solitude, writing, or creative expression. Respect these differences.
Setting Boundaries Together: Discuss holiday traditions and decide which ones to continue, adapt, or pause for now.
Encouraging Flexibility: Being open to spontaneous expressions of grief or joy by letting the family’s mood guide the moment when enjoying the holidays together.
Rituals of Remembrance: Creating space for shared grieving, such as lighting a candle together, sharing memories, or dedicating a meal to a loved one.
Moments of Restoration: Balancing remembrance with moments of joy by taking a family walk, watching a favorite holiday movie, or baking together.
It’s important to know that the holidays may never feel the same after a loss, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to "move on" but to move forward—individually and as a family. By embracing and acknowledging different grieving styles, you can support one another through grief, where your family can begin to heal together. And, healing together can look like gentle opportunities for connection or providing extra reassurance, attention. and patience.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief or Seasonal Affective Disorder this winter, call us at 1-337-703-2806 to learn more and to book a consultation today.
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